How could an African Grey parrot write a book? I didn’t scratch the story into a patch of dirt hoping some scholar would find it and I didn’t peck at a writing machine. I had help from an old friend. We grew up together, but none of that would be interesting or meaningful if it hadn’t been for “The Incident.” But, I’m getting ahead of myself.
I’d been living for about two years in the home of my first keeper, a Hawaiian named Kimo, when “The Incident” took place. His house sat on a hilltop overlooking the Pacific Ocean just north of San Diego. He’d named me Baby. Kimo’s wife, Andrea, and her insipid Chihuahua dog hated me but Kimo and his five-year-old son, Ricky, loved me. The males had a three to two majority. Some areas of the house were off limits to me, such as the kitchen. The missus kept the meat cleaver in the kitchen. She’d get a gleam in her eye when she sharpened that cleaver, glancing over at me.
When Ricky began to speak I’d mimic his sounds and he’d repeat them back to me. It was great fun. He had an impish spirit and was adept at creating plays with me as the leading character. He knew to handle me gently. Ricky was the only human I never considered biting. I’d forgive him anything.
The day “The Incident” happened began like any other day with Ricky and me playing on the floor. I heard Kimo’s car door slam and watched him rush into the house. He hurried over to his desk and tumbled a clear stone out of a leather pouch he’d snatched from the middle drawer. He placed the rock in my water dish. What he was doing looked important so I didn’t nip at his finger like I usually did when he intruded on my space.
“Be a good bird. Guard dis with your life," he said.
Then he rushed out and sped off in his cherished Buick. The stone all but disappeared in the water. Knowing exactly where it was, I could see it plainly.
A short time later some men drove up in black cars with white doors. They were dressed all in dark blue shirts and pants except for one that wore a gray suit with a white shirt and tie that seemed to mark him as their leader. The leader had some white papers he called a search warrant, which clearly gave him run of the house. Andrea seemed pretty upset and picked up the black telephone on Kimo’s desk. After yelling at the telephone for a few minutes, she returned.
One of the men in blue began opening drawers in Kimo's desk, removing things and making a general mess of the room. When one of Andrea’s favorite lamps was broken, she shouted, “Who’s going to pay for that?”
The gray-suited man laughed to one of the men in blue, then turned to Andrea sneering. “Lady, when we find that diamond you’re all going to jail, so why don’t you sit down and shut your mouth?”
Then he jammed his hand in my cage and grabbed for my seed holder. I feared for my life, so I bit him. I really let him have it. This was a beauty, right down to the bone on his index finger knuckle. He let out a yell and reached behind his back, coming up with a handgun. I knew I was in trouble so I cowered in the corner of my cage.
He tried to use his gun but his finger was cut so badly he couldn’t. This made him even angrier. He took a wild swing at me, knocking my cage off the table and onto the floor. I moved around in the cage trying to hide but all that did was move the cage under the table. I nestled down on my cage liner covering the stone that had fallen out of the water dish. I was inside my cage, looking at the underside of the table, watching a furious man making wild kicks at me as his blood dripped on the floor.
The assault stopped when Kimo and his friend Larry rushed into the room shouting for the police to stop their search. Larry had some other white papers that he showed to the intruders. Apparently some papers cancel out others. What do I care? Paper is just cage liner as far as I’m concerned. The intruders eventually left. Kimo settled Andrea and Ricky down then came over to pick up my cage. He noticed I was huddled over the stone.
He said to Larry, “This one smart bird. He didn’t let that haole cop see the rock. Lookit him, sittin’ like he gonna hatch that diamond. Aloha Baby. You a good bird."
Then he kissed me on the beak and fed me a cashew from his never-empty pocket. I liked that a lot. The way Larry looked at Kimo picking up the stone let me know there would be trouble ahead with Larry. Andrea steamed out of the room at Kimo’s display of affection, taking Ricky with her. Her displeasure was not lost on Larry.
"Sometimes, Kimo, I think you like that bird too much. Your wife isn’t too keen on him, you know."
"Shut your mouth Larry. You say anything else bout this bird and I’ll smack your head. I don’t just like this bird. I love him. He understand me like no one else, woman or man."
"Kimo, can we get back to business? We need each other. You need the money from the transportation of my gems as much as I need you to move them. Let's not be foolish about our arrangement."
"You think Kimo some stupid Hawaiian? You think I don’t know you make big money off what I move around the world for you? I live fine without you and the trouble you bring. Police bust into my house, scare my family, knock my bird around."
"Kimo, you’re drunk. You don't think for a minute that I had anything to do with the search do you? I’m your lawyer. I was the one who got the cops out of here, remember? Do us both a favor and get that stone to the man in Jakarta like we planned. Let’s put this unpleasantness behind us, shall we?"
"I got a answer for you, Larry Stein. Here, take your damn rock and get outta my house now," Kimo said tossing the stone to Larry. My big Hawaiian friend looked like he was ready to pounce on the smaller man.
The stone tumbled end over end in an arc toward Larry, catching the light in flashes of brilliance. I let out a squawk as Larry managed to bobble the diamond, first with his right hand, then his left hand, trying to catch it. Instead, it bounced off his hand toward the floor. The stone hit the floor with a click and bounced into the sunlight streaming through the window. Keeping a wary eye on Kimo, Larry walked over and picked up the stone, erasing the double rainbow it had cast against the wall.
“Don’t never come back here,” Kimo said as Larry turned to leave.
On his way out Larry said, "I’ll be at my home if you want to talk. There’s no need to break up our arrangement over this. I like you Kimo, but there are others who can move things for me."
Kimo seethed silently as Larry left the house. Then he looked at me and smiled. He placed me on my new perch, then gathered my cage, taking it outside for a cleaning, muttering slurs on Larry’s ancestry.
As I preened, Ricky entered the room as only a five-year-old can, bursting with energy and racing to discover new delights. He watched the white wall opposite the picture window where hundreds of rainbows shimmered. The sun had shifted and was now glinting off something close to where Larry had picked up the stone. I saw that the pretty stone from my water dish lay under the chair in the corner. It had apparently caromed off one of the lamp baubles the police had scattered. Larry must have picked up the bauble by mistake. I recognized the curious look on Ricky’s face and knew the crooked little smile I loved was not far behind. The pretty rainbows had piqued his interest.
Evidently Ricky wanted a closer look and bent over to where the stone lay on the floor, thumping his head as he did so. If another human had been present, he’d have cried. I fluttered down to the floor to be with my little partner. He was totally entranced by the spectacle of the stone. It seemed alive with light. I watched as the tiny rainbows flickered and danced across the wall whenever Ricky moved the stone through one of the sun’s rays slanting through the window. As some of the rainbows fell on my wings, I felt illuminated inside and out, an odd experience. When I looked back to the stone, it blazed with internal fire. I can’t say how long we watched the dancing lights, mesmerized.
Ricky set the stone on the floor and spun it around. The effect dizzied me as the stone slowed. He spun it again and the jewel hit a leg of the chair causing it to slide across the shiny wood floor toward the wall near the big hole where the heat comes out. Ricky crawled over to where it came to rest and tried to pick it up. As he did so the jewel slipped from his grasp and skittering over the crisscross grate toward the baseboard vent. I watched as the stone disappeared, bouncing a time or two inside the heater, landing finally with a small thump.
I recall thinking, ‘Well, that didn’t go well.’ Had I only known.
Ricky’s face showed that he knew he’d ‘been bad,’ but in looking around he didn’t see anyone but me. His crooked little smile had just a touch of mischief as he realized we shared a secret that could get us both in trouble. He stood, raised his right index finger to his puckered lips and left the room. His secret was safe with me.
My flight feathers had grown back but I was in no hurry to let Kimo know that fact. Some secrets are best kept to oneself. Kimo found me on the floor below my perch.
He laughed and asked, "What’s up, Baby? You fall off the perch?"
He gently picked me up and put me back on the perch while I tried my best to act like everything was normal. Kimo lined my cage with clean paper, got me fresh water and placed me back inside. I glanced at the floor vent and watched the sun slide into the horizon.
***
Sometime after nightfall I heard loud noises. Kimo had taken to draping my cage to keep me quiet at sunrise, so I couldn’t see what all the commotion was about. I heard Larry's voice, then Kimo's voice. They started quietly but quickly began shouting.
"Where’s the diamond?” Larry said. “You gave me a worthless piece of glass." He held out to lamp glass to show Kimo.
"What you talking bout?” Kimo said. “That ting came off the lamp those haole cops broke. You better quiet down or I'm gonna mess you up."
"I saw the stone you had in your hand just before you threw them to me,” Larry said. “You must have palmed it. The sunlight and your yelling distracted me. I got back to my house and found out you swindled me. I want my diamond back now! Do you have any idea how much that stone is worth, you half-breed?"
"You gonna get it now, bruddah. Don’t say I didn’t warn you." I heard a slap and then a thud as a body hit the floor. "I told you Larry, don’t mess with Kimo.” Larry didn’t respond.
“I forgive you now Larry so get up. You one big sissy, get up. I get you something to drink. Come on Larry. Wake up. I didn’t hit you that hard, I just slap you. Come on- get up. Start breathing, bruddah.
“Andrea! Call da ambulance baby, Larry’s hurt here. He hit his head on da counter here when he fell. No, I didn’t hit him, he just fell. Call the ambulance, now!” I could only hear Kimo's side of the conversation but I could fill in the blanks.
"Come on, Andrea, please call them now. No, he’s not dead. His heart is still moving but he not breathing no more. Mouth to mouth? I don’t know what you mean. Blow in his mouth? OK, I try. But please, baby, call the ambulance." Minutes passed but no one came. I could only hear Kimo blowing into the dead man.
Andrea entered the room and said, "I think he is gone now. You can stop."
"What’s taking the ambulance so long? What else they got to do this time of night?"
"They aren't coming because I didn't call them,” Andrea said. “An ambulance brings police. Do you think anyone is going to believe he fell and you didn’t cause that red mark on his face?
“I’m taking Ricky to my mother's. I'll be back after I am sure you’ve gone. I hate what our lives have turned into. Just take that bird and get as far away from us as you can."
